Tentacles, anyone?

Up until now, everything had gone according to the plan.

They had gone down deep into the catacombs and found the sealed vault, exactly as it was described in the ancient writings. But what was beyond it was something that no one had planned for. Within seconds, the iridescent tentacles snared all her friends and dragged them screaming into the abysmal depths.

Trina’s lightning-fast reflexes allowed her to bound away from the megalithic doors and draw her weapons; a pair of designer 9mm Glock pistols. She managed to run a short distance while firing a few rounds at the hellish green glow before….

Death did not come quickly.

Movie Review – Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is the fourth installment in the series.

This contrived failure limps by with a 6.

Indiana Jones tracks down a Crystal Skull and the mythic temple in the Amazon from which it originated while battling the ruthless KGB agent (Cate Blanchett) who is also seeking it and its fabled powers. Don’t blame Harrison Ford for this being the worst of the four movies. He plays Indiana Jones well and keeps him in character. It’s not easy being such a stud when you’re 66 years old. Indy has an amazing punch and huge capacity to take damage for such an old guy, but he plays the character as an older man for the most part. His acting and character kept me sane and in my seat. This movie almost sunk to a 5 as I almost considered considering leaving.

Cate Blanchett did a decent job as Irina Spalko in her mad quest to get the skull and its purported powers. She was a pretty good bad guy but lacked the ruthless evil that the antagonists in the other three movies possessed. None of the bad guys in this movie were driven by the joy of hurting others like in the other movies. They were bad, but not evil. It was nice to see Karen Allen again. She was good reprising her role as Marion Ravenwood and seemed to relish it. Shia LaBeouf (Transformers, Disturbia, I Robot) was also pretty good as Mutt Williams and in his function as a draw for the younger movie crowd. It has been 17 years since the last Indiana Jones.

So why am I so unhappy? The movie seemed to be contrived. It seemed that they tried to jam too many references or gimmicks from the other movies into this one but did it poorly and superficially. Jones is sinking in quick sand and all they can find in the jungle to pull him out is a great big snake? No sticks or vines nearby? It wasn’t funny at all. Then there were several things that were just totally outrageous with no possibility of being believed: refrigerator, monkeys, jeep in tree, waterfalls, etc. Yes, this is supposed to push the limits, but some things are just too ridiculous to believe or enjoy. When two dozen trained KGB soldiers are firing at Indy with automatic weapons at short range, how can every single one of them completely miss him? Spielberg could have used fewer soldiers or had them start shooting when Indy was further away or had some cover. But no, why bother having any sense of reality? In so many cases, they made it so hard to believe in the movie when it was so unnecessary to make it like that. When they are actually exploring the various tombs and crypts, the movie glides back to its roots and is believable.

I liked the plot. It was the execution and script that sunk it. One category that I really enjoyed was that the movie used special effects similar to those from the 1980s. It kept the feel of the movie in line with the first three. It was a good nostalgic effect.

I love the Indiana Jones movies and walked into the theater wanting to enjoy the movie. But from the first scenes, it just made me angry and disappointed.

Secret Blue Mountain

My daughter and I spent a little fun-time in Bryce building this “secret mountain/rainbow-scape”. We hope you like it…..I like to think its a mountain of sapphire…

~AoB

Movie Review – The Forbidden Kingdom

The Forbidden Kingdom is a lite martial arts film.

This family-style kung fu story gets a 7.

I was all excited when I saw that Jet Li and Jackie Chan were going to be in the same movie. The advertisements on tv left out the small detail that it’s the story of a young man in Boston who loves martial arts movies and gets magically transported to ancient China to deliver a magic staff to the Monkey King. Fortunately, most of my apprehension was for naught. The dorky boy from Boston story line did not dominate the movie but dragged it down a bit. Of course, he had no kung fu skills and had to be taught by Jackie Chan, who reprised his Legend of Drunken Master role a bit. Only about 15 minutes of the whole movie were set in Boston so the pain isn’t too bad.

The plot is pretty reasonable. In order to defeat the immortal commander of the Jade Army, the Monkey King needs his magical staff returned from Boston so that the spell that has turned him into stone may be broken. The acting was pretty decent but not memorable. Jackie Chan is his typical funny goofball self but toned down a bit. Jet Li is very serious as a monk. The temple fight between Chan and Li was pretty good but not over the top. I think they tried to make it too mainstream and family friendly.

The costumes were very nice as was the scenery. It was not a low budget film. The opening scene with the Monkey King fighting the Jade Army on stone spires in the clouds was a nice touch. I also enjoyed the malevolent presence of the White Witch and her whip-action hair. Ok, so I do have a soft spot for good looking, intelligent, evil women. Send them my way.

This movie is only PG-13 and is ok for children and dates who aren’t real martial arts fans. If you want some awesome martial arts in a big budget format, check out Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon, House of Flying Daggers, Hero, Royal Warriors (not big budget, Michelle Yeoh – Crouching Tiger), and the Kill Bill movies (not really martial arts per se but waay cool).

Movie Review – The Ruins

The Ruins is a horror movie about Mayan ruins in Mexico.

This decent movie gets a 7.

It was your typical horror movie. College kids go to Mexico on spring break to party. They meet a German student that knows about a Mayan ruin that is “off the map.” They go despite several warnings/bad signs and then start getting killed off one by one. It was actually pretty interesting despite the formulaic nature of the plot.

Certainly, there will be no Oscar nominations, and I will never know the names of the actors from this movie, but I did enjoy it. One nice twist was that the guys never went down into the vertical shaft on top of the jungle temple. They always sent the two girls down into the pit because it took both guys to turn the winch to lower the ladies into certain danger. Nice.

The acting was acceptable and the premise was pretty good. The kids didn’t always make the rational choices, but would it be a horror movie if they did? It was enjoyable and gave me a new, healthy respect for flowers.

Remember, if you are in the jungle and some wild-eyed guy rides up on a horse and starts screaming at you in Mayan, don’t climb on that temple…