Samuel L. Jackson’s New Years Resolutions

Yeah, still up and surfing blogs. I think I’m going to give sleep another go now, but had to share this post I found on Jeff’s Game Blog….I nearly pissed myself when I read it. Sorry to copy you Jeff, but I just had to….

There’s just something inherently Bad Ass about Samuel L. Jackson. Its been clinically proven.

Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction

I’ve put this SNL monologue in purple to match Mace Windu’s ( that is, Samuel L. Jackson’s) lightsabre….well, italics will have to do it seems…

Mace Windu...Resident Bad Ass

Now, I know you might find it shocking that someone as cool and together as myself has New Year’s resolutions but believe it or not, there are things that even Samuel L. Jackson can improve upon. Forthwith – if I could have a little music, please. At the top of my list:

Continue to kick ass

And then I hope to “Be as bad as I know I can be“.

Also, to “Really put it out there, and by it I mean Sammy’s mojo“.

In addition, I plan to “Give it as good as I get it“, “Be all that and more“, and “Lose my shyness, vis a vis the rocket in my pocket“.

Plus, I plan to “Work my voodoo on the lady fans“, “Take a thorn out of some cat’s paw” and “Build a shrine to my own bad ass“.

Then, it’s time to “Give the demons what for“, “Spare the rod and spoil the face“, and “Continue to kick ass“.

After which, I’ll “Show the bad men what it’s all about“, “Release a dove from a ghetto rooftop“, and “Cradle a newborn baby in the ruins of a church“.

Finally, this year, I will “Stick it to all the suckas“.

And I’m gonna “Show the Man that I mean business“.

And I’m gonna “Take a computer class“.

[Saturday Night Live, December 1997]

I also remembered a bit I saw going around when it was announced that S. L. Jackson would be a Jedi in the Star Wars prequels:

Top Ten Things Samuel L. Jackson Should Have Said in the Star Wars Prequel

Note: In case you didn’t know, Samuel L. Jackson was in the first prequel as “Jedi Master Mace Windu”

10. You don’t need to see my goddamn identification, ’cause these ain’t the motherfuckin’ droids you’re looking for.

9. Womp rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I’ll never know, ’cause I’d never touch the filthy motherfucker.

8. This is your father’s lightsaber. When you absolutely, positively, have to kill every motherfuckin’ stormtrooper in the room … accept no substitutes.

7. If Obi-Wan ain’t home then I don’t know what the fuck we’re gonna do. I ain’t got no other connections on Tatooine.

6. Feel the Force, Motherfucker.

5. ‘What’ ain’t no planet I’ve ever heard of! Do they speak Bocce on ‘What’?

4. You sendin’ the Fett? Shit, Hutt, that’s all you had to say!

3. Yeah, Chewie’s got a hair problem. What the brother gonna do? He’s a Wookie.

2. Does Jabba the Hutt look like a bitch? Then why are you tryin’ to fuck him like one?

1. Hand me my lightsaber… it’s the one that says, ‘Bad Ass Mother Fucker.’

What made me laugh even more was remembering that I just saw an ad on Spike TV for a new Anime series (?) for which Samuel L. Jackson is doing the protagonist’s voice called Afro Samurai.Afro Samurai Still

Now that, my friends, is Bad Ass.

To all, a good night.

~Adaen of Bridgewater

5 thoughts on “Samuel L. Jackson’s New Years Resolutions

  1. No need to apologize for swiping something I swiped first!

    You know in Episode II at the arena in Geonosis where Mace Windu pulls out his lightsabre and holds it to Jango Fett’s throat? Samuel L.’s line is “This party is over”. Every time I see that seen I hear it in my brain as “This pary is over, motherfuckers.”

  2. Pingback: Samuel L. Jackson’s New Year’s Resolutions « raincoaster

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