Behold, The Dungeons & Dragons Complete Animated Series…

OK, I admit it. I bought it….and it was even more horrible than I remembered….and I remembered it being a little cheezy, but what’s a little cheese between friends? Right? Right? Anyone?

I justified the $31.99 by telling myself, the kids will like it in a couple of years….just like I did with the Gummi Bears Cartoon. They love that one (and so do I)…smart purchase. But the D&D cartoon…Well, I was alone in the house yesterday. I broke open the package, popped it in, and hopped on the treadmill (with the volume cranked so I’d be able to hear). Egads, it was like watching a train wreck. I didn’t get past the first episode (and not just because I run like a wuss). Not that I won’t watch more later….I am a glutton for punishment.

I guess I just wanted it to be better. It just felt like a hodge-podge of cool elements all thrown together in a blender. If it were food going into the blender, it would be a lamb chop, a piece of chocolate cake, and my gym socks set on puree.

I’m still glad I have it though…I guess nostalgia counts for something.

~AoB

Movie Review – Cloverfield

Cloverfield is about some people trying to survive an attack on New York City as seen through a video camera one of the characters carries around for the whole movie.

This not-so-good movie rates a 6 although at times I probably would have given it a 5.

Too much time is spent introducing the characters for the first 20 minutes or so. They are unsympathetic and boring. I actually whispered to my friend that, “I hope they start getting killed soon!” They are having a going away party for Rob and one of the characters is using a video camera to film messages to Rob from the other guests. The building shakes, and everyone runs outside as the Statue of Liberty’s head comes bouncing down the street.

Four of the characters spend the rest of the movie trying to find another person and survive the rampage. Hud, a real doofus, carries the camera around for the whole movie and gets it all on film. The clever bit about this movie is that the entire film is shown through the camera that Hud carries around. That is also its biggest downfall (besides the poor plot and lame acting). Remember how the camera jerked around all through Blair Witch? Multiply it by 5 with much more wild swinging about of the camera to get an idea of how this movie shakes and shimmies.

For almost the entire movie, I felt physically ill. I had to look away frequently to keep from getting sick. It was just too much – never a break from camera swinging wildly around. I felt shaken up for about a half hour after the movie ended, and I very much enjoy going on roller coasters and sky diving. If you must see it, sit in the back. All five of us complained about the camera shaking as we crucified the movie afterwards. The plot was poor. It did not have suspense or scary parts. Not much blood either. The movie never explains what is attacking (it does show it), why or how. You just made me feel ill for 88 minutes. At least tell me what the hell is going on! The lack of information left at least three different explanations for what happened.

The ending actually leaves unclear how the movie ended. Not good. The acting was crappy, and I was hoping for the death of all the main characters. As a soldier tells them, “We don’t know what it is, but it’s kicking our ass!” Exactly.

Movie Review – Balls of Fury

Balls of Fury is about a Ping Pong tournament of death.

This sad Dodgeball wannabe limps along as a 5.

Christopher Walken is usually much better in his bad acting way. He was rather wooden, and his lines were not altogether funny. The plot was blah, the jokes were blah and it was quite blah. It was so blah that I are not even using proper grammer. Aacckk. Ron Burgundy and Dodgeball were both hilarious movies. The trailer for Balls looked like it might be in this class, but it just showed the only funny parts.

EtD

Movie Review – 28 Days Later

6/29/03

28 Days Later is a British movie that tries unsuccessfully to cross
Night of the Living Dead with Resident Evil.

I gave this waste of my Saturday night a weepy 5.

Some kind of PETA activists let some infected monkeys out of a lab.
Everyone gets infected and turns mad. Like AIDS, you need fluid
exchange to get it. England is now mostly empty of people with some
infecteds and some normals.

Our heroes try to reach a safe haven and fight the baddies on the
way. It is fairly predictable and the violence, surprise and horror
are all pretty tired. This got a good write up in the paper, but
they let me down.

The audience was mostly teens/early 20’s. One dork kept laughing at
all the wrong spots at the end. Well, the movie was supposed to be
funny when the dork laughed. The rest of us were not impressed.

Don’t waste your time. Read a book.

~Elric the Damned 

Review: The Traveller Radio Program

Dr. Rotwang on his “I Waste the Buddha With My Crossbow” gaming block recently highlighted the availability of a podcast based in the Traveller Universe that was recorded with 4-tack technology (i.e., otherwise known as “the hard way”) way back in 1988. The track is about 45 minutes and can be found here: The Chronicles of Ted D. Flask

Doc R went on to say, well, to say it kinda sucked. My thought was…Sci Fi Radio, come on, how bad could it be. I mean, we Sci Fi geeks have been putting up with low production values (e.g., Dr. Who) for a long time. Well, I listened to it, and it is not good. Yet, like Doc, I listened to it for the full 45 minutes….and convinced myself that it wasn’t that bad and said so on Dr. Rotwang’s blog. I then listened to portions of it again. It is pretty bad, but I so wanted to like it. Because I made it through 1.4 times, I’m giving it a 5. Your mileage may vary.

~Adaen of Bridgewater